The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries immense meaning and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to exceptionally hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and wellness .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we Get the facts cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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